Ode to Andy Murray

On the occasion of tennis superstar Andy Murray upsetting the sensibilities of the English nation by saying he’d not support their bid for World Cup glory.

In deepest, darkest, poshest Surrey
Wee Ingerlunders are in a flurry
They rant and rave but he disnae worry
You’ve got to love wee Andy Murray

Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t care
Andy Andy Murray

Wi a barnet like that I’ve got a hunch
He’s a refugee fae the Hair Bear Bunch
But he makes the Inglish spew their lunch
And Henman’s got a face yid love to punch

Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t care
Andy Andy Murray

He widnae back Ingerlund as a last resort
He’d rather hae VD or a genital wart
But jist to show that he’s a guid sport
He’ll wear a Portugal top on centre court

Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t careAndy Andy Murray

Anyone But England

Written on the occasion of the 2006 World Cup and in the wake of ‘controversy’ over Wee Jack’s declaration of support for Trinidad and Tobago.

What’s so bad
About supporting Trinidad?
If ah may say so
Ah can follow Tobago
If ah want

Ah’m the kind of guy
That quite likes Paraguay
And if it suits my needs
Ah’ll be behind the Swedes
So shut it

Italy or Ukraine,
Brazil, Switzerland or Spain
Poland or Japan
Germany, Ghana or Iran
Whoever

Any eejit can see
I’ll be supporting A.B.E.
And if that’s sad
Well it’s just too effin bad.
So there

Ah dinnae care
If I get a row fae Tony Blair
I’m Scottish to the hilt
So get it right up your kilt
Ya bass

C’moan T and T
C’moan Russell Latapy
Anyone But England dis for me
A.B.E.
A.B.E.
A.B.E.