Ode to the wee man

On the sad occasion of the death of one of Scotland’s favourite sons, the much-loved mountaineer, author and broadcaster Tom Weir.

Don’t put away your bobble hat
Climb God’s mountains
Talk the craic
Take lost angels by the hand
Guide them through their own land
Charm them,
Inform and entertain
Show them the Way
And make them smile

Ode to Tommy Sheridan (Allegedly)

On the undignified occasion of the court case involving Thomas Sheridan and the News of the World.
But why the fuss? In the words of Karl Marx, “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs”. And Tommy needs a shag.

Tommy the Commie
Man of his words
Power to the people
Espeshully the burds
(Allegedly)

Tommy the Tiger
He’s grrrrreat
A socialist, a sexualist
And definitely straight
(Allegedly)

Tommy the Marxist
Tells workers to unite
Nowt to lose but their chains
Tho handcuffs are alright
(Allegedly)

Tommy the Suntan
Wi his face so red
Has a large majority
And a party in his bed
(Allegedly)

Obrigado Portugal

An ode to our friends and European neighbours Portugal. Not for any particular reason, you understand. Just because they are great.

Nellie Furtado
Sardines and fado

Carmen Miranda
An Algarve veranda

Phil, Luis and Jose
A nice Mateus Rose

Magellan and Vasco
Christiano Ronaldo

Sam Mendes and Pessoa
Three penalties out of four

Now even Presbyterians
Are loving the Iberians

It’s such a grand locale
Oh obrigado Portugal

Obrigado
Obrigado
Obrigado Portugal