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Telly ho
Hello sweeties I was supposed to be at the opening of something last night. Dashed if I can remember what — a film, an art gallery, a bottle, an envelope. Who can keep up? (Not my Aristotle that’s for sure. If it weren’t for Viagra, I don’t think he could even raise a smile.) Anyway…
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Tally ho
Hello sweeties Gosh what a perfectly dreadful time it has been lately. London has been absolutely sardined with cousins from the country down here protesting about the horrid hunting ban. Now I adore spending time with the rosy-cheeked in-laws when I am in the sticks but town is town and country’s country. Darlings I do…
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Bolly ho
Hello sweeties I know, I know. You have been beside your little selves with worry about my erstwhile whereabouts and well-being. Don’t think I am not touched darlings, I truly am. But worry ye not, rumours of my demise, much like Carol Vorderman’s bust, are greatly exaggerated. Mieow. Oh the tittle tattle there has been…
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Footballers Lives
Hello sweeties My what a terrible kerfuffle over those beastly football chaps who have been locked up in Spain. The molesters from Leicester as Hotwire Harry my driver called them this morning. I don’t read the ghastly tabloids myself of course but Harry tells me that the molesters broke into the rooms of some unsuspecting…
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Commons
Hello darlings I was in the House the other night — not my house you understand, a girl has to have a life. No, I was in the Houses of Parliament for a little champagne soiree being thrown by some Tory friends of my acquaint who were celebrating Tiresome Tony about to lose some big…
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Princess Diana
Hello sweeties It’s party time yet again and I have drunkled shampoo from Penzance to Pinner in an Amazonian effort to bring you all the skinny of the season. And believe me darlings, a girlie of my repute should not be in Pinner unless kidnapped by a gang of asylum seeking rapists. Ah the things…
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Auntie Joanna
Hello sweeties I speak to you this week as a woman shocked and angry. No, Fortnum and Mason haven’t messed up my Bolly order again, thank heaven. I am really quite peeved at this latest media kerfuffle about the Royals. It’s bad enough when the ghastly guttersnipes among the red-tops try to spark revolution by…
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Mrs George Best
Hello sweeties Have you heard? The skinny blonde strumpet who was this month’s Mrs George Best has given the old boy the boot. Poor Georgie. Now if you are looking for some inside skinny on Georgie from Lady P then you must remember that a girl doesn’t kiss and tell. Luckily for you kissing was…
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New Shoes
Hello sweeties You may have read in the better newspapers that it is becoming popular for ladies with a dedication to fashion to have their little toes removed in order to wear decent shoes. And why not indeed? There’s been heaps of predictable brouhaha from bleeding-heart liberals about bleeding-footed fashion victims but really darlings it…