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Sven Goran Eriksson
Blimey what a rammy about Sven giving it large to that bird from the FA. Can you Adam and Eve that they were going to sack him just for having a bit of extra time with a secretary? Bleedin crackers. If they wanted to give him the boot because he couldn’t get his team to…
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Bigot Ron Atkinson
Blimey, can a man not speak his mind these days without the politically correct brigadiers getting all hot under their collars? Big Ron Atkinson, the working man’s microphonist, said a couple of things he didn’t mean anyone to hear and suddenly the poor bloke’s lost his job. Bleedin ridiculous if you ask me. Okay, so…
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Goldenballs
Blimey, I can’t believe all this locomotion about Sir David Beckham and this bit of Spanish skirt he’s supposed to have been knocking up. Can’t a man have any fun these days without it being plastered all over the bleedin papers? This Loos woman who he’s been doing shooting practice with ain’t much of a…
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David Kelly RIP
Well blow me down with a gift voucher from B&Q. I was in this house in Argyll Avenue, up to my elbow in this woman’s waste pipe, when I heard the news on the radio. Turns out Tony Blair did nothing wrong in the whole David Kelly Iraq thingy after all. He’s cleaner than a…
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Tight Squeeze
I was rigging up a dishwasher for a family down Ronald Place last week. Don’t know why he couldn’t just have bought her a pair of pink Marigold gloves and saved himself a few quid but who am I to argue. In fact he’d have saved himself a good few quid more if he’d been…
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Princess Diana and the Paparazzi
It’s enough to make me bleedin blood boil, it really is. Three froggie paparazzi have just got away with taking pictures of our Princess Diana, God bless her, on the night she died. It’s flippin misbelievable. These so-called photographers chase the poor, lovely woman to her death, hound her into an underground grave, and they…
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George W Bush
Just yesterday I was fitting a new s-bend for a woman in Richmond Place. I say ‘new’ it was actually a bit second hand and had spent the previous ten years of its existence in a flat round the corner. I say ‘woman’ but I’m not completely bleedin sure it wasn’t her husband in an…
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Jeffrey Archer released
Wasn’t it nice to see Lord Archer being released from prison on Monday? The poor man should never have been locked up with common criminals but at least now he can indulge in his own pleasure rather than her Majesty’s. To put a proper lord like Lord Jeffrey away for trying to pervert the course…
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Moral Decline of a Nation
Is nothing sacred? The festering politically correct lefties that are ruining this country are at it again. You can’t open a door for a woman without someone accusing you of being sexist, you can’t respect a tradition without someone trying to tear it down and you can’t call the towel-heads terrorists without being accused of…