Perth

fair-maidPerth has been a site of human habitation for at least 8,000 years. It’s a former capital of Scotland, it has grown to a population of over 50,000 people, and it is with just cause known as “the Fair City”. Because its wealth is based more on agriculture than industry, it is to an extent inflation-proof and can cock a snook at the ravaged post-industrial wastelands of Scotland’s central belt. Situated on the banks of the river Tay, its wide streets, open views and many, many trees make it one of the more pleasant cities to spend time in. Trees are a big thing here; Perthshire contains Europe’s oldest and Britain’s tallest, as well as the world’s highest hedge.

There has always been light industry however, and much prosperity was brought to the city by entrepreneurs such as Arthur Bell and Matthew Gloag through their experiments in blended whiskies. Discovering that two or more unpalatable whiskies could be mixed together, given a fancy label and sold to the undiscerning masses was a masterstroke. As for the younger and slightly more feminine Gloag, was tarting up the clapped-out formerLondon buses used to transport itinerant berry-pickers to and from the fields of rural Perthshire to create Stagecoach, the largest transport company in the UK. On the outskirts of the city you can check out the Caithness Glass factory, where they have given the whole heritage centre treatment to the traditional craft of glass-blowing. It would once have merited no more than a three-minute slot on the Generation Game.

Perth is home to St Johnstone, the sleeping giant of Scottish football. Not perhaps that big, but certainly fast asleep. It also boasts the railway bridge over the river Tay that doesn’t collapse poetically into the river anytime the weather gets up a bit.

It is the place to be for fishing, golfing, and wearing woollen clothes.

Where To Eat

Eating in Perth can be a very pleasant experience. There are a good number of hotels offering basic Scottish fare at reasonable prices and using largely locally-sourced produce. That’s the benefit of being an agricultural capital. Try the New County in County Place, or the Queen’s opposite the railway station. If the Scottish fare of beef, venison, salmon etc doesn’t do the business for you, then you could try the Café Royal’s international menu. Try the ostrich, kangaroo, springbok, bison, or crocodile. Endless opportunities for referring to the difference between a buffalo and a bison or asking the waiter for crocodile and to “make it snappy”. They’re surely just taking the piss with Salamander as the vegetarian option though.

Excellent restaurants are Let’s Eat at the corner of Athol St. and Kinnoull St., and Kerrachers fish restaurant 168 South St. Try both. Usual plethora of Chinese, Italian, Indian are dotted around, and there’s the Krung Thai restaurant in Murray Street. Best of the ethnic dishes has to be the Lamb in Guinness at the Manzil Tandoori restaurant in York Place. Not so traditional, perhaps, but hey, traditions are there to be begun

Where To Drink

It’s been said elsewhere, but it bears repetition, that restaurants are for eating and pubs are for drinking. In Perth, restaurants are for eating and pubs are for drinking up and leaving quickly. There are exceptions. There must be. But one of these is not Ormond’s. This pub pays homage to the late Willie Ormond, member of the Hibs Famous Five, Scotland manager for the 1974 World Cup, and St. Johnstone legend who took the team into Europe as often as Neville Chamberlain. But not for as long. The pub is dank, damp, dark and dismal with a disproportionately hostile attitude to strangers. Drink up and leave early. The alternative is to put “duelling banjos” on the jukebox and settle in for a very, very long evening.

Other pubs about whom (excepting the Willie Ormond memorabilia) pretty much exactly the same could be said include The Robert Burns, The Royal Bar, the Silver Broom, Whitelaw’s, the Corina and so forth and so forth until the names become a blur. And don’t be visiting That Bar in Scott Street unless it’s to advise the clientele they should go home and study for their Standard Grades.

So where can you drink, if you must? The Foundry is OK; very impressive collection of cask-conditioned ales and international lagers in a spacious and atmospheric converted foundry. A feature is the gents toilet; a standard of plumbing evocative of the Golden Age of the profession. The Twa Tams in Scott Street is a family-run business with a bit of charm; the Irish bar. Mucky Mulligans in Canal Lane actually isn’t all that bad or Irish and has in the eye-easy Kim the most pleasant barmaid in Perth. Not a difficult competition to win right enough but that’s to take nothing away from Kim. It’s either there or Chasers Bar in the White Horse Hotel you should be heading to count your cash and re-live the highs of your day’s racing.

The only decent real ale pub we found in the city is Greyfriars, opposite the Salutation Hotel just before you cross the river. Maybe there are others. Searching for pearls on a stony beach.

Where To Stay

Aforementioned Queens Hotel (Best Western) Leonard doesn’t look bad, rooms from £45. Similarly priced is the New County Hotel, County Place. There’s lots of choice; get a list from the Tourist Office.

What To Avoid

Getting into conversation with farmers. Inadvertently saying “I like my tractor”.

Violence has been noted in the City at certain times with the notorious drive-by shooting now a familiar feature. Easily identified. Clip-Clop. Clip-Clop. Clip-Clop. Bang.

Culture

There’s a fair bit of culture in the fair city. There’s the museum and art gallery down by the river. And certainly pay a visit to Perth Theatre. But there’s no rush – if you wait till your early seventies you won’t appear quite so youthfully-challenged among the regular theatre-goers. The company know their customers, offering generous OAP concessions and full refund if you die before the interval. Continuing the drama them, seven miles north of Perth at Bankfoot, you’ll be enchanted by the Macbeth experience. Here the record of history is set straight for a much-maligned, but nonetheless worthy King of Scotland. The Plumbers have long been admirers of Shakespeare for his refusal to let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Talking of Kings of Scotland, 42 of them were crowned in nearby Scone Palace, on the Stone of Destiny. The Stone since disappeared to England but if all tales are to be believed popped back and forth across the border almost as frequently as the Flying Scotsman in the days before Jarvis were responsible for track maintenance. It remains an important symbol for some Scottish nationalists, but this adherent to the cause of independence remains unconvinced. If the Scottish monarchy were restored, we’d have to go to all the trouble of abolishing it. Let the Stone sit in a Scottish museum, or let it prop up a flyover on the M6.

As a general rule, sport is for watching, not for participating in, but if you feel you must take exercise, check out Perth Swimming Pool. It’s an indoor pool but you can swim out into the open to see if it’s raining. Incidentally, Perth and Kinross Council are to be congratulated for their initiative in offering free swimming at all pools for school-age children. It’s a constructive move which will help reduce the weight problems faced by Scotland’s children. But in the meantime, swim during school hours. You don’t want to be sharing the water with crowds of lardy young schemies.

Next door to the Swimming Pool is the ice rink which plays host to some of the finest curling in the land. The “roaring game”, so termed because of the noise of the stones, has been played in Scotland for 400 years so we were about due for a medal.

Getting There

Perth is on the main Glasgow – Aberdeen and Edinburgh – Inverness railway lines with trains usually at least every hour. It’s about an hour’s drive north of Edinburgh, and Dundee airport, 22 miles east, offers (extortionate) flights to the UK. Edinburgh airport is only about 40 mins drive though for the cheapies.

Getting To The Course”>

The course is situated in the grounds of Scone Palace, about 3 miles outside Perth. There’s a free regular bus service from the city centre; private aircraft and helicopter facilities by arrangement. Or take a taxi.

About The Course

There’s been racing at Perth since 1613, and they can certainly claim to have got it right. A picturesque course with an excellent view of the action from a variety of stances. A plethora of bar choices to suit absolutely all tastes. Except those who don’t drink and they don’t count. Anyway they can picnic on the lawn with elderflower presse or Irn Bru.

What To Wear

It’s Perthshire. You will never be accused of over-doing the tweed. Weather can be a bit on the nippy side so remember your Barbour.

The Plumber

The Travel Guide recommends: Chas Stewart Plumbing, 16 Dunkeld Road, Perth PH1 5RW Tel 01738 627701

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