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Christmas Lights
Well so that was Christmas and what did you do? Another year older, 20 bottles of shampoo. Thank Gucci that’s the end of another season of comfort and joy darlings. I have been to more openings, closings, celebrations and no-excuse parties than Jimmy Choo has seats in heaven. I have been ankled, I have been…
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Cherie Oh Baby
Who amongst us hasn’t enlisted the help of the convicted fraudster boyfriend of your former soft-porn actress best friend in order to save a few quid on a house? No, me neither. Does Mrs Blair really believe we will all fall for that quivering lower lip, I’m just a girlie, don’t really understand business, my…
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Firefighters
Now I’m the last man to stand in the way of someone earning a decent wage but those firefighters are getting right up my hooter. How can they honestly expect a 40 per cent pay rise for sitting around playing pool all week and rescuing cats from trees? The odd chip pan fire and the…
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Butlers
Well sweeties! Aren’t the ghastly red-tops having fun with the butler and his boisterous bedroom behaviour? Your ring m’Lord? Meiow. Henny Throckmorton stayed over at the Windsor’s once and was so disgusted at not getting rogered by the staff that she nearly asked for her money back. She says it was the first time she…
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The Burrell Collection
Having previously written about Mr Paul Burrell, former butler to the blessed Diana, and suggested that he was a thieving git who should be executed, I now discover I was wrong. Mr Burrell is in fact not a thief. He told her Maj the Queen that he was going to ‘safeguard’ a few items of…
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Posh Kidnap
What a rumpus about that so-called kidnap attempt on Mrs Posh Beckham by a gang of crazed Romanian gypsies. As usual the newspapers got it all wrong. Fair enough, it wasn’t nice that the gypos wanted to abduct Lady Victoria, hold her for a £5m ransom and threaten to chop her up into tiny pieces.…
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Diana and Burrell
Is there no end to the indignities that poor Princess Diana must suffer? It’s bad enough that she is being portrayed as a slapper whose ex husband is cavorting around with an elderly horse-faced woman. Now we are told that her butler has been knicking all her best gear. First of all, just because the…
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One Law for the Rich
There’s an old newspaper saying that Man Bites Dog is not a story. Dog Bites Man, now that’s different. So why is it when an out of control bull terrier belonging to our beloved Princess Anne savages two young children is it suddenly news? It’s just another example of media bias against our Royal Family…
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Major Major
Old John Major, eh? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more, say no more. Who would have believed that the old grey man and the egg lady had been going through the yes lobby together all these years? Mrs Thatcher must be turning in her grave. And yet Mr Major’s episode of shame could so…