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Moral Decline of a Nation
Is nothing sacred? The festering politically correct lefties that are ruining this country are at it again. You can’t open a door for a woman without someone accusing you of being sexist, you can’t respect a tradition without someone trying to tear it down and you can’t call the towel-heads terrorists without being accused of […]
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Twice Nightly
Hello darlings Sometimes seeking out the skinny on the social scene is more than one can possibly bear. To the uninitiated it may seem one endless round of parties, premieres, popstars and poppers. And well I suppose it is. But at other times it can be such a ghastly chore that I have even been […]
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Bomb Baghdad and Back Our Boys
Hello Darlings I am too unaccountably traumatised to give you any social skinny this week. Shocked as I am by the onset of war in this land of ours. Well, I suppose it isn’t actually here, it’s over there, so I can tell you about a super anti-war beano that I went to last night. […]
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Cheese Eaters
As the constipated man says, it’s the waiting that’s the worst. Well I’ve been waiting for flippin weeks for this war to start and there’s not been so much as an exocet fired by accident. Not even a bit of death by friendly fire. Call this a war? Honest tradesmen like myself will obviously need […]
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Anthea Turner
Hello darlings. Lady Pan Jammer here, bringing you the low-down from the social hoe-down of the year at Brighams on the Strand. Well it is only March. We were either saving the whale, raising money for missiles or celebrating Holly Vallance’s new ‘record’. Viva la difference, I say. The main thing is the place was […]
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Tories in Trouble
I’ve been having a good think about the state of the Conservative Party in Britain. Two minutes it took me. Shower of flamin’ losers. Lady Thatcher would be turning in her grave if she could see the mess this lot was in. If she was dead. To think that the party she led to three […]
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Evacuees
Hello sweeties, here’s the skinny on the social scene. And the big news is…. it might be moving out to the sticks. Tristram Parker-Wayne invited me down to his place in Sussex at the weekend to discuss what was going to happen when this dreadful war starts. Not just the two of us, you understand. […]
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Simply Not Cricket
This Cricket World Cup in South Africa is really confusing me. Well, it’s just not cricket is it? It’s politics, it’s death threats, it’s drug taking, it’s racial slurs. It’s everything except flaming cricket. I don’t really know what the problem is with these English lads not wanting to play in Zimbabwe. Are they afraid […]
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Shampoo
I am in mourning this morning sweeties. Lady P’s fragile little heart has been split into more pieces than Ulrika Jonnson has had football players. My darlingest little Hernando, the best hairdresser this side of heaven, has passed on into that great salon in the sky. I am truly devastated — I’ve got the premier […]
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Asylum Seekers
It makes my blood boil, it really does. Who do these people think they are? You give them the English language, teach them cricket and football, put shoes on their feet and all they want to do is come to Britain and blow us up. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they want to take […]