An essay on the failings of universal suffrage

An ode on the sad and perturbing occasion of the election fiasco of May 2007.

Just a little cross
How hard can it be
To stop old Baw Face
And the feckin SNP
Yet voters spoil papers
With halfwit capers
Mixing up digits
Like mental midgets
Like eejits
Like clowns
Like Gordon Browns
Call it hypocrisy
But I hate democracy
And bleedin bureaucracy
Just vote Labour
Like your neighbour always did
Just a little cross?
Naw.
I’m pissed off

No Donald Dewar

Auld baw face says

He’ll hae me on a skewer

Auld baw face says

Oor MSPs will be fewer

Auld baw face says

I ain’t no Donald Dewar

Which is fine by me

Cos Donald’s deid

Old Baw Face is Back

Auld baw face is back

The walkin, talkin heart attack

Auld baw face

Smug as a bug in a tartan rug

Soundbite Charlie

Naebody’s mug

Auld baw face

One smart Alex right enough

Smiling sleekit

Acting tough

OO7’s favourite thug

Vote SNP or we’ll shoot your dug

Torn betting slips

Rolls of fat

Am ah supposed to be scared of that?

Farewell to Whatsisname

Alas poor John Thingy

He’s here nae mair

He’s clean disappeared

Like the last o’ his hair

Alas poor John Thingy

He’s been fund oot

They cried him a loser

An gied him the boot

Alas poor John Thingy

He was nae brain surgeon

He thocht Alex Salmond

Was yon Nicola Sturgeon

Alas poor John Thingy

I liked him just fine

I was fair scunnered when

They made him resign

Alas poor John Thingy

We’ll see him nae mair

They’ve called for Roseanna

A lesbian? That’s rerr