Ode to sunshine in winter

Written on the occasion of my very important visit to the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne.

G’day mate
Fae the land down under
Miles awa
Fae the latest blunder

The Parly’s shut
I hear it’s fallin doon
Just as well
That ah’m oot o’ toon

Nats and Tories
Are rattling their sabres
Ah so whit
Ah’m watching Neighbours

Ah’ve a new hat
It’s got loads o’ corks
Ah’ve a braw villa
Paid for by the Warks

It’s nae junket
It’s fair hard work
Keeping a face
Withoot a smirk

Oh advance
Australia fair
There’s snow at home
But ah don’t care

Winter holiday

We’ve aw been on a winter holiday

Wi the Warks for a week or two

Sex and politics oan a winter holiday

Practising for a future interview

For a week or two.

Ye can stick it where the sun ain’t shining

Ye can stick it where the air is blue

I’ve been partying with Kirsty

So it’s tough shit for you.

Everybody wants a friend like Kirsty

She’s fit, she’s loyal and true

So when ah get questions fae Kirsty

Ah also get the answers too

For me not you.

Normandy Wisdom

Oh whit tae dae

It’s D-Day the day

An I’ve got two things oan my plate

Ah could take the chance

Tae get myself tae France

Or keep my fancy Royal dinner date

France is real sunny

But golf is real money

An I could get to be Prince Andy’s mate

Auld sojers are moaning

Aw shut your groaning

Am no rising to your D-Day dodging bait

Whit’s that you say?

Votes are gaun astray?

Maybe dinner wi Andy’s no that great

I know whit tae dae

It’s D-Day the day

Tell the heroes wee Jack is head of state.