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McConnell Log

We didn’t start the Parly

Sheena Easton, Weir’s Way, Donald Dewar, Paul McStay,

Jimmy Spankie, Jimmy Krankie, Billy Connolly

Lorraine Kelly, Banquo’s ghost, Willie Carson, Sunday Post

Jimmy Shand, Burntisland, Dougie Donnelly

Denis Law, Thane o’ Cawdor, Carol Smillie, Harry Lauder

Border tart, Braveheart, Daniel Nardini

Arnold Clark, Rob Roy, Jackie Bird, Peter McCloy

Fran and Anna, Fyffye’s banana, Shereen Nanjiani

We didn’t start the Parly

Costs were always rising

Because of bad advising

We didn’t start the Parly

No they didn’t cost it

So we nearly lost it

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McConnell Log

The Fraser Report

It wisnae Donald

And it wisnae me

It wisnae Henry

And it wisnae me

It wisnae Steele

And it wisnae me

It wisnae Miralles

And it wisnae me

It wisnae naebody

But it wisnae me

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McConnell Log

Oor parliament’s finished

The builders have finished,

Well sort of.

We’ve aw moved in,

More or less.

They’ve cleaned up the mess,

Well most o’ it.

Noo everyone’s happy,

Happy-ish.

It was cheap at £440 million

It…..

Ach forget it.

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McConnell Log

A welcome to wee Nicola

Nicola Sturgeon

Nippy sweetie

Make-up done

By Balfour Beatty

Nicola Sturgeon

Nippy sweetie

Goes like a bunny

Says toilet graffiti

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McConnell Log

Old Baw Face is Back

Auld baw face is back

The walkin, talkin heart attack

Auld baw face

Smug as a bug in a tartan rug

Soundbite Charlie

Naebody’s mug

Auld baw face

One smart Alex right enough

Smiling sleekit

Acting tough

OO7’s favourite thug

Vote SNP or we’ll shoot your dug

Torn betting slips

Rolls of fat

Am ah supposed to be scared of that?

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McConnell Log

To Senora Miralles

Have ye seen our new Parly?

It’s looking awfy braw

Three cheers for Miralles

An ah’ll gie his widow wan an aw.

Oh ah’d gie her wan, ah’d gie her wan

Ah’d gie her two or three

Oh ah want Senora Miralles

O’er ma bended knee.

Ole ole Senora Miralles

Man ah’d love to nip ’er

Help ma boab I think it’s time

Fur the return o’ Jack the Zipper

Visit the widow, visit the widow

Ah’m only being polite

Visit the widow, visit the widow

Aye that’ll be feckin right

Visit the widow, visit the widow

Ah’ll soon win her affection

Fur I hear she likes a man

Wi a magnificent erection

Ole ole ole ole ole

Ole ole ole ole ole

Jack and Benedetta up a tree

Sh-a-gg-ing

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McConnell Log

Farewell to Whatsisname

Alas poor John Thingy

He’s here nae mair

He’s clean disappeared

Like the last o’ his hair

Alas poor John Thingy

He’s been fund oot

They cried him a loser

An gied him the boot

Alas poor John Thingy

He was nae brain surgeon

He thocht Alex Salmond

Was yon Nicola Sturgeon

Alas poor John Thingy

I liked him just fine

I was fair scunnered when

They made him resign

Alas poor John Thingy

We’ll see him nae mair

They’ve called for Roseanna

A lesbian? That’s rerr

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McConnell Log

Parliament prayer

Hen can you understaun me now

Sometimes ah feel a little mad

Don’t you ken that nae First Minister can aye be an angel

Even Donald Dewar now looks kinda bad

Well ah’m just a boy whose designers are good

Oh Lord, please let me build new Holyrood

Hen sometimes ah’m so brilliant

It’s so hard no tae be smug

Other times ah get caught wi ma zipper doon

And then ah don’t want onyone to see ma ugly mug

Well ah’m just a boy whose designers are good

Oh Lord, please let me build new Holyrood

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McConnell Log

Normandy Wisdom

Oh whit tae dae

It’s D-Day the day

An I’ve got two things oan my plate

Ah could take the chance

Tae get myself tae France

Or keep my fancy Royal dinner date

France is real sunny

But golf is real money

An I could get to be Prince Andy’s mate

Auld sojers are moaning

Aw shut your groaning

Am no rising to your D-Day dodging bait

Whit’s that you say?

Votes are gaun astray?

Maybe dinner wi Andy’s no that great

I know whit tae dae

It’s D-Day the day

Tell the heroes wee Jack is head of state.

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McConnell Log

Stockline sorrow

Plastics explosion. Loads deid.

Mair troubles on my heid.

No ma fault.